Warning, this is kind of a graphic account of my migraines…

Those who know me, know I suffer from migraine headaches.  I can go months without them or like this past week and a bit, I can have them every day.  I’ve been suffering since the Thursday before last.  I had a break on Valentine’s day – I got up and dipped over 3 pounds of luscious strawberries in chocolate, to give away to my friends.  Then when Sunday rolled around, it was back and stayed with me all week.  Yesterday might have been one of my worst days.

I think what I feel the most is relief.  I mean… for those lucky people out there that don’t get them, you have no idea how un-nearving it is to feel that if you just poked those scissors, or that screwdriver into your eye or ears… to let the pressue out…. oh that would feel so good.  It’s a freaky feeling to think you would get so much pleasure out of something so horrible.

When I’m laying there with my eyes closed, every tiny sound feels like some toddler is banging pots and pans beside my pillow.  Even the sweet sound of my cats purring comes across as like a horrible buzz saw.  It feels like I’m trapped in nightmare that I can’t wake myself up from.  When I was kid I used to dream that I was kidnapped alot – and he would make me think I was going to be set free, and then he would do something terrible.  That’s exactly what it feels like when I think it’s gone… I’m free from that pain and I think all is well, then boom – I just turn my head the wrong way or look at my computer for that 1 minute too long and it’s back.  The horror is real, the pain is real, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

So here I am this 7:20 am, and I’m feeling hopeful for this new day.  But I am cautious.  I’m going to sign off the computer now, so I don’t trigger it back, but I just wanted to account my experience, because I write my blog for me… and I read it like a paper journal.  It’s just online… for the rest of the world to peek at.